She’d known being around Jamie would be hard after the intense two days they had spent together.

She’d known being around Jamie with the girls in the picture would be hard.

She’d known saying goodbye to Jamie would be even harder.

She hadn’t known that saying goodbye to him before they actually left the country would be impossible.

But that’s exactly what just happened, Juno thought to herself, rolling over and staring sightlessly at the ceiling. He may be down in the dining room entertaining Viv and Darcy while they flirt with him and throw themselves at him, but as far as he and I are concerned, we just said our final goodbye.

Because I can’t face him again, Juno thought, tears flooding her eyes. I can’t face him, and then get onto a plane and never see him again.

The more we see each other, the harder it will get, Juno reasoned. The more I think about the last two days, the worse it’s going to be to hop on a plane and go back to my boring, hum drum life.

Easy solution, Juno thought with a grimace. Just don’t see him, just don’t think about it, and just plan on moving on.

Have a plan and stick to it, Juno ordered herself. Plan to forget him and move on.

It’s better this way.

Juno rolled off the bed and pawed through the chest of drawers until she found her pair of drawstring pants and her favorite oversized, most lived-in sweatshirt. Donning her ‘comfort gear’, Juno prowled around the room, hoping to find something to eat. Jamie was right…

She absolutely hated rabbit food.

At this point, she’d eat dirt and it would probably be more filling and more nutritious than whatever the hell she had just tried to choke down at the dinner table.

Digging through one of the many drawers in the room, Juno managed to find a semi smashed Flake bar and a handful of Smarties.

Chocolate chased with chocolate, Juno thought wryly. The dinner of champions for the broken hearted. Tilting her head back, Juno threw several Smarties into her mouth and chewed blissfully, her eyes closed as the sugar and fat rushed into her bloodstream and filled her stomach.

Now that was a dinner.

She had just flung herself back onto the bed and propped herself up on some pillows for some wallowing and some chocolate therapy when someone began pounding on their room’s door.

Juno jumped off and hurried to the door, anxious to make the raucous noise stop so she could return to her dinner and her own private pity party.

Juno wrenched open the door and stood with her mouth agape at the figure on the other side, hand still raised in mid knock. “What are you doing here?” Juno asked, her eyes wide.

“I was worried about you.” Jamie said simply, gently pushing past her and walking into the stateroom. “You just up and left – that’s not like you. And you were so quiet at dinner – that’s definitely not like you.”

“I just wasn’t hungry.” Juno shrugged as she shut the door and wandered back into the middle of the room. “Can’t a girl be not hungry?”

Jamie suspiciously eyed the candy wrappers on the bed, and then shot Juno a questioning glance. Her face flushed at being caught red handed, but she lifted her chin defiantly and almost dared him to comment on his findings.

“Why aren’t you talking to me?” Jamie asked, his voice almost plaintive. “What’s changed since this morning?”

Juno sighed and sat down heavily on the corner of the bed, trying to figure out what she could say to the man in front of her.

Reality, she thought glumly.

“I was talking.” Juno said stupidly, her lower lip sticking out a little.

Jamie stood in front of her, his arms crossed across his chest. “That wasn’t talking. That wasn’t you. Where did you go?”

“I was right there!” Juno said, looking up at him. “I was at dinner!”

“No.” Jamie said, shaking his head. “You weren’t there at all. Not the Juno I know, any way. It’s like your soul was sucked out of your body the minute you stepped back on board.”

Juno rolled her eyes slightly but said nothing, not sure what to say.

Jamie sighed slightly and shifted his stance a little, still watching her intently. “Darcy and Viv aren’t anything like you.” He said after a long pause.

Juno scoffed. “Yeah, you noticed.”

It was Jamie’s turn to scoff. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Why are you being so defensive?” He asked rhetorically. “I just meant they are both very nice, but they can’t seem to converse the way you… the don’t have opinions like you do. They just agree with whatever I say.” He paused and looked at her quizzically. “It’s unnerving, really.”

Juno almost smiled at his confusion but stopped herself in time. “It’s called flirting, Jamie. They’re flirting with you.”

“More like throwing themselves at me.” Jamie said with a small shudder. “I think American women are a bit more… bold than I’m used to.”

“Was I too bold?” Juno asked, suddenly concerned with her behavior over the last two days. Oh god, she thought in a panic. Maybe Jamie thought I was some American ho, only using him to score some action with a Scottish guy…

“You were lovely.” Jamie said tenderly, looking down at her with warm eyes. “And I miss you. Come back down and spend the evening with us.”

“Why?” Juno asked stubbornly. If she went back downstairs, she’d fall all over again, and that was something she just couldn’t afford to let herself do…

“Is it totally absurd to think we could spend our last night together? Totally absurd to enjoy each other’s company for another night?” Jamie asked seriously.

Juno stood up and huffed. “Yes!” She said loudly. “Yes!”

“Yes, it’s absurd?” Jamie asked, swallowing thickly when Juno emphatically nodded her head. “But… why?”

“Why are you making this so hard?” Juno asked, her voice sudden flat and soft. “Why?”

“What am I doing, Juno?” Jamie demanded. “Tell me and I’ll undo it, or I’ll do something else. I just want… I want you, I want us the way we’ve been the last two days.” He took a step toward her but didn’t touch her. “Together. I just want to be in your company. I just want to hear your voice and see your smile for another night. That’s all.”

“No.” Juno said quietly after a beat. “Because it will just be harder tomorrow.”

“What?” Jamie asked. “Saying goodbye? You think I haven’t thought of that? Thought of how hard it will be to let you go? I’m not some unfeeling monster, Juno. And contrary to what Viv and Darcy apparently think, I don’t just pick up with women randomly for a night.” Juno looked up at him, as though for confirmation. “I don’t, Juno. Not like this. This is…” He shrugged, unable to complete his thought.

“I just couldn’t stand to see them flirting with you, knowing I…” Juno faltered, trying to find the right words. “And I couldn’t stand to think of not…” She sighed and looked away from Jamie’s penetrating gaze. “God, I wish it was still yesterday.” She finished in a whisper.

“Me too, darling.” Jamie said, taking one more step and closing the distance between them. “Me too.”

“Let’s just leave it like this, okay?” Juno pleaded. “Let’s just shake hands, say goodbye and be done with it.”

Jamie silently shook his head no.

“Why are you making this so hard?” Juno pleaded. “Why are you being so wonderful and attentive and charming? Why are you coming in here, when all I’m doing is trying to let you off the hook? Why?”

Juno’s eyes glistened with tears as she looked up at Jamie, searching for answers in his eyes. After a long moment, Jamie stepped forward one last time. Juno closed her eyes as Jamie wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against his chest as though trying to absorb her into himself. They stood as one as the minutes ticked by, and Juno heard his low, husky voice in her ear. “Please. Please…”

She turned her head and buried her face against the warmth of his chest, his voice still vibrating against her ear.

“Please…”

1454 / 36455 / 50000

before . after